I Love That Song, But I'm Scared To Listen To It
by xxActressgirlxx
Summary: No one, but me, knows what happened that day. I made up a lie to the cops. Not because I was scared to tell the truth, but because I felt guilty and didn't want to relive the tragic incident. To this day I haven't told a soul, that is...until now." BxE
1. Prologue

**This was just an idea floating around my head**. **I really hope you like it because I know I do. **

He was my first love, ever, and I didn't want to let him go. But I had to. I can't help but think it was my fault. That I was the cause of his death that day. I still think that. Though I've tried all I could to convince myself otherwise, nothing has worked.

I changed after that day. I did things I'm not proud of. I said my first "I hate you"s to my parents, Charlie and Renee. I tore my family apart. But most of all... I murdered the person inside me. Beating myself to a pulp from guilt. Knowing I could have stopped it. Knowing, if I had, he and I would be perfectly happy right now. And he certainly wouldn't be dead. Unless it was fate.

But how could it be? When he was such an amazing person. Never selfish, always selfless. A straight A student. An amazing athlete. One of the few guys in this world, who actually know how to treat a girl right. How could it be that someone as perfect and amazing as him, only fifteen years old, with a bright future ahead of him, could be taken away form everyone who loved him. Everyone he loved. Is it true? That only the good die young.

I shut myself out from the rest of the world. Barely talking to my own mother, who I've always been so close to. Letting go of my friends, who tried to be there for me, but I didn't let them. I promised myself I would never love again. That he was the only one for me. The only one I wanted.

When I moved to Forks, Washington, I never knew what I was getting myself into. I didn't know my past would be revealed. I definately didn't know I'd find another love. But the one thing I did know... was that I was starting all over. And no matter how many people I met, or how many I hurt, I could never, ever forgive myself for lying to everyone. Hurting his parents and killing him. No one, but me, knows what happened that day. I made up a lie to the cops. Not because I was scared to tell the truth, but because I felt guilty and didn't want to relive the tragic incident. His death is still a mystery. No one knows exactly how it happened. All they know is that he's dead.

To this day I haven't told a soul, that is...until now.

**If I get enough reviews I will update soon, but If not then I will mostly focus on my other story Double the Trouble, and then focus on this one. So please review good or bad!!!! Thanks for reading!!!**

**-xxActressgirlxx**


	2. I Love My Dad, But I Can't Talk To Him

I walked through the airport, dragging my suitcase. I searched the crowd for Charlie, almost scared. He hasn't talked been in contact with me for over five years, but he knows of _the incident._ Renee told him what happened with-... what happened two years ago, but he never talked to me about it. Not that I wanted him to. Him being the Police Chief of Forks, gets me even more freaked out.

When I finally spotted Charlie I walked over slowly. The more time I waste, the less I need to spend with him. He saw me and his eyes lit up. I walked closer to him, and when I finally reached him, he said "Hey Bells!"

"Hi." I tried to force a smile but it wasn't happening.

Charlie took my bags and I walked behind him, out of the airport. Of course he brought the police cruiser. This is where I should have been after the incident. I can never stop these kind of thoughts, because it's the truth. I should not be free to live my life right now. I killed him, and I wish I would've told the truth. I don't know what it was that was stopping me. I knew what happened, but now, because of me, his friends and family will never know how he got in that river. Because I lied.

"So Bells, how's your mother?" Charlie interrupted my thoughts.

"Renee's good." I replied flatly staring ahead.

"So I signed you up for school at Forks High." Great. "You start tomorrow. So I want you to get a good night sleep. Make new friends. Your mother told me, you've been avoiding your friends since-" I had to interrupt him.

"How far away is the school?" I asked, tears threatening to fall. I couldn't let them. I wouldn't.

"About ten minutes. You'll have to leave around 7:30 on normal days, but you have to leave a little earlier tomorrow so you can go to the office to get your schedule."

"Kay." I replied. I turned on the radio to avoid awkward conversation. A song by Jason Derulo was on so I turned it up. It was near the end and the next song that came on was a nightmare. I listened to the piano notes chime one by one, until I fully recognized the song.

_Hey Lucy, I-_

I turned the radio off as fast as possible and put my head against the window, and closed my eyes. I tried to stop the tears from falling, but I couldn't. They started pouring out, against my will.

Through my blurry eyes I saw Charlie. He looked like he wanted to say something but was resisting. Apparently he finally got up the nerve to say it, but I wish he hadn't.

"Listen Bells, if you ever need someone to talk to about-" Why does he enjoy bringing this up?

"I don't." I snapped. "I'm fine." Lie. "I got over it a while ago." HUGE lie. I was never a good lier and it's hard to sell a lie when you hav tears pouring out. "I just want to start a new life." _Where no one knows what happened_.

**I know it's really short but I promise the next one will be longer! And the Cullens will be introduced in the next chapter. By the way, if you don't already know the song, it will come up again with the name and band. Trust me. And if for some reason you don't believe me, then please feel free to look at the title of this story once more. Please review for a quick update!!!**

** -xxActressgirlxx**


	3. I Hated Today, But He Hated Me More

The next day I woke up at 6:45 to my alarm clock. I figured I'd leave the house at 7:20 so I got up and got changed. I was wearing blue skinny jeans with holes in the knees and a Forever The Sickest Kids t-shirt.

I went downstairs and had some cereal. Charlie had already left about a half hour ago. When I was done eating, I grabbed my book bag and the keys to my new (for me) Chevy pickup truck. Charlie said he got as a "homecoming" present, for me.

When I got to the school, everyone was staring at me. It was extremely uncomfortable. Once I got my schedule from the woman in the Main Office, who was way to happy, probably high on life, which, I hope she understands, no one gets out alive, I was on my way to homeroom. I talked to a guy, more like he talked to me, named Eric, on the way.

The day was very boring. I met a very, and I mean VERY talkative girl, who I think's name is Jessica. I met a sweet girl, maybe a little too sweet, named Angela, and an extremely annoying think-shes-everything kind of girl who I don't even remember what her name was (not that I care).

When lunch finally came I sat with Jessica, Angela, Eric, and forgot-her-name. This is when things started to get interesting, at least as interesting as Forks can get. I looked around the Cafeteria, trying to get my mind off the topic the rest of the table was having. Apparently they're going to a Sk...concert next week. I tried as hard as possible to fight back the tears and won.

I stopped looking around when I spotted a table of pale white teenagers. They looked to be some what related. Well some of them did anyways. Jessica and forgot-her-name obviously noticed me staring because they cleared their throats in attempt to get my atte_An_ntion.

"Staring at the Cullens?" Jess asked. I decided to turn around, peeking my eyes away from the beautiful creatures.

"That's who they are?" I asked with disinterest.

"Yeah. The big one is Emmet, the blonde is Jasper, then his twin sister, Rosalie. The short one is Alice." Jessica explained.

"The thing is they're all together-" Forgot-her-name said.

"Yeah. Like _together_ together." Jess interrupted.

"Yeah Dr. Cullen is like foster dad/ match maker."

"Maybe he'll adopt me." Angela cut in.

Just as I looked back I noticed a new addition to the Cullen family. He had bronze hair and pale skin like the rest of his family. He also looked like a greek god.

"Who's he?" I asked. Jessica, forgot-her-name, and Angela all looked to where my eyes were. When I looked back, I noticed their expressions immeadiately changed.

"Oh that's... Edward Cullen." As Jessica said this her face showed jealousy. _Someone got rejected._" Totally gorgeaus obviously, but don't get you hopes up he doesn't date." _And neither do I,_ I added silently.

"Wasn't planning on it." I said. For the rest of the lunch period I kept looking back at the Cullen table, each time locking eyes with Edward, and not being able to look away.

When the bell finally rang, I was off to Biology. I walked in and the first thing I noticed was that the only open seat left was next to seat occupied by, none other than, Edward Cullen. Great.

As soon as I sat down, he cringed away, leaning as far away from me as possible. He even moved his chair to the far end of the desk. His hand was clamped over his mouth. How he was breathing, I don't know. He stayed like this the entire period, and when the bell rang he was out the door, almost at an inhuman speed.

Well this is just great, my first day at a new school where no one knows what happened (thank god) and my lab partner absolutely hates me (thank crap).

I had gym last period and the coach let me skip it for the day. Good thing too, I needed time to think over what just happened, and don't want to talk to anyone...ever. Throughout the period, everyone was playing dodgeball. I decided to do the little homework I had, while listening to the music that was playing.

After about 10 minutes a song came on. It wasn't really the song but the artist, or band really. Skillet. I had trouble listening to this band, not that much, but trouble. I tried to keep my mind off things but I still had thoughts lingering in my mind. It didn't take too long until I started to get flashbacks.

_ I whispered his name while he was trying to yell mine. I stood there so many emotions running through my mind, too many to think. Confusion, Horror, Fear...Love._

_ I watched as the waves picked up, and the wind became stronger sucking him in. I did nothing. I didn't help. I killed him...I killed him...I killed him..._

Then the song ended and I was free. Free from all memories. Free from my emotions. Free from my past.

**I am so sorry I didn't update for a while I wanted to update last week but I had absolutely no time! So I'm really sorry that I didn't update and then gave you a short chapter. I'll try to make the next one longer and put it up quicker. Please REVIEW!**

**-xxActressgirlxx**


	4. I Had A Chance, But He Ruined It

For the rest of the week Edward was absent. I couldn;t help but think it was because of me. It wasn't until Monday until he finally showed up. However I wish he hadn't.

I was getting out of my truck, with my headphones on, since the radio was crappy. I turned around and saw him staring at me with a concentrated look on his face. He was back. Edward Cullen was back.  
He was across the lot, just staring at me, but I don't know why. He stared for a while. Probably for a reason, but what was it. I couldn't bring myself to look away. Like I was locked there unable to move my eyes or head. When he finally looked away, I turned away. Good idea.

I heard screeches and turned around quickly. That's when I saw the car. Tyler's car. And it was hurling towards me. I knew I had enough time to get out of the way. That was clear. But I just stood there. Great idea.

I waited for the impact. The impact that would be too forceful to keep me alive. I just waited and waited and waited and waited. This was it. What I've been waiting for. My one chance to see him again, that is if he wanted to see me.

I was excited. I was gonna die. Finally. This is what I get for being a murderer. I get death.

Then it happened. Two cold arms surrounded me. Was this person an idiot? Whoever it was didn't deserve to die because of me. I was a murderer. This was my freedom.

I heard a huge bang and when I looked up I saw the impossible. My freedom got locked up again.

Tylers car was about a foot away from me. It was still, and it wasn;t moving anymore. I was So close.

I didn't miss the pale white hand that fit so perfectly in the new dent in Tyler's car. When I looked up to the creature who the hand belonged to I was shocked.

It was Edward. Why would he save me? He hated me. He made that clear the week before. But when I looked into his eyes I saw... relief? Why was he relieved? Was it that I was alive or he was. Probably him.

He wouldn't be relieved that someone like me was alive. If anything he'd be furious. Then again he doesn't know what happened back in Phoenix. But God does. And this was his way of getting me back. Teasing me with death then giving me unwanted life. Keeping me away from love and happiness. Only giving me despair. Like showing a dog a big huge juicy steak and telling him it's his. Then you pull it away and give him the icky dog food, he never wanted.

Everything happened so fast. People were yelling that they bcalled an ambulance. They were asking if I was okay. No. No I'm not okay. I'm still alive. Before I knew it I was in the hospital. I was getting examined like a lab rat for invisible cuts and bruises. What didn't they get when I said I was fine?

Just then a beautiful creature came in. He had blonde hair and a perfect face. It was hard to miss the impossibly pale skin. He walked up to me holding a clip board.

"Isabella Swan." He said.

"Bella." I corrected.

"Well then Bella. You seem to be fine, with no breaks or cuts. So your free to go. Just have your father sign the sign out sheet for you at the front desk." He said. I was still unknown to who he was. But that didn't matter I was free. Free to go back to my jail cell I call Forks.

However I wasn't doing this until I got my answers and there was only one person I could get them from. Edward. My freedom killer.

I found him talking to the beautiful doctor, probably Dr. Cullen since he seems comfortable with him, and Rosalie. I decided to hide behind the wall hoping they wouldn't see or hear me. I managed to listen in to their conversation.

"What was I supposed to do? Just let her die?" Edward asked. I'll give you that answer. Yes. Yes you were.

"You don't get it. What if she saw you? If she realizes that you just ran across the lot in a matter of seconds? Then what huh? She could find out, and we'd be dead. No telling what Aro would do if he found we let a-" Rosalie was cut off by Dr. Cullen.

"Rosalie. That's enough. Edward knows what happened, and the consequences of his actions." Dr. Cullen said.

"But Carlisle-" Roaslie started.

"Rosalie." He cut her off again, and I could hear her walking away.

"Now Edward I-" He stopped. Just stopped. I looked around the corner, and saw them staring at me. I came out of hiding and asked what I wanted to.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Edward. Carlisle walked away, and Edward came toward me. I was furious. I was about to lose it.

"How could you save me?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"I was standing right next to you Bella." He answered.

"That wasn;t my question. I know what how you saved me. You ran across the lot at inhuman speed, and somehow stopped Tyler's van from crushing me. With. Your. Hands. What I asked was Why. Why did you save me?" I aksed fiercely.

"Did you not want to be saved?" I stared at him blankly. If I answered "No" then he'd think I'm crazy and suicidal. If I answered yes then he wouldn't tell me. It's a lose-lose situation. I'm not letting him win.

"You haven't even said thank you." He said.

"Why would I?"

"Because I saved your life."

"That doesn't exactly help me. Why would I say thank you to you?" If H ehonestly thought those words were gonna come out of my mouth then he needs to go to the mental part of this hospital and check himself in.

"I don't know what you problem is-"

"You." I answered his statement simply.

"But whatever it is you need to fix it." He continued as if I hadn't said anything.

"I'm perfectly fine the way I am. Thank you very much."

"Oh so you can say thank you. Well your welcome." He said with a smirk. I was getting agravated now.

"Since you obviously don't want to tell me why you saved me, would you mind telling me how?" I asked,

"Well it seems your imagination figured that one out." He said laughing.

"What? So now you think I'm crazy? I know what I saw." I yelled.

"And what was that? That I somehow in fairytale land pushed the car, that was probably going at leat 25 miles per hour, away from you. Oh, and on top of all that, I also ran across the parking lot within a matter of seconds?" He said.

"No need to repeat what I just said, and what Rosalie just said to you. Why was she so upset anyway? Are you hiding something?" Obviously he is I just wanted to hear him say it. However I didn't get that lucky.

"Are you? You looked like you were just waiting for the car to hit you like it would give you joy. Are you suicidal or something? You had enough time to get out of the way, why'd you just stand there?" He yelled.

"Why'd you save me? You could have let me die. That would save you the breaths you need for this conversation. If I looked like I wanted to die, then why'd you save me?" I knew I was giving away the fact that I wanted to die, but it was all for good cause.

"Why'd I save you-"

"That's what I asked wasn't it?" I cut him off.

"I saved you because I thought it be nice. I figured I'd get some gratefulness from you!" We were getting louder now.

"Well that's not what you're getting is it? From the girl who apparently wanted to die a painful death." I tried to act like he was being ridiculous, but it was really the cold hard truth.

"That's what you looked like. I risked my family's secret" Ding Ding Ding we have a winner! "to save you and I don't even get a thank you? What's wrong with your additude!" He said. Probably not realizing everything he revealed to me.

"Oh okay. Thank you then." I started to walk away.

"What are you bipolar too? You were just screaming your head off about how there's no reason to thank me, and then you just do?" Haha he's an idiot isn't he?

"Oh I didn't thank you for saving my life, I'd never thank you for that. I was thanking you for something else." I said in a smug tone.

"And what is that?" He looked really confused which made me laugh.

"When I know you'll know." Then I walked away, and he let me.


	5. I Hate Them, But I Had To Say Yes

** I'm so sorry I havn't updated in a while! I know it's been like a month, but I didn't mean for it to take that long. In the past month I've had a lot of school projects, tests, and homework. I have been writing this chapter since the last time I updated and I know it's short. However I've been writing it on my phone's notepad for a while now, and I never had any time to copy it onto the computer. So I'm really sorry, but Friday was my last day of school so I'll be updating a lot more now that I'm on Summer vacation. So after this chapter I will be updating a whole lot more! Hope you enjoy!**

After the incident, the hospital insisted I went home to relax. Not that I wanted to go to school, but it definately gets my mind off things. Whatever happened with Edward was just bizarre, and I will find out what's going on.

I spent the rest of the day on the internet, trying to get some sense out of what had happened earlier. Typing in "super strength and speed" on google doesn't help you in trying to find out what a 17 year old is. All it does is get you one step closer to knowing all of Superman's powers.

When Tuesday finally came around, I was standing in the parking lot and Edward was still staring at me. I refused to stare back because I remembered what happened last time. It felt like my eyes were glued on his until he finally unglued them and looked away.

The bell rang and I braced myself for alot of questions from Jessica first hour.

As soon as I walked in I was bombarded with questions.

"Are you okay?"

"What happened?"

"How did the truck stop?"

"Is it true Edward was there?"

I ignored them all, of course, and was relieved when the teacher walked in and she was forced to shut up and sit down.

By the time lunch came I had ignored at least 20 conversations on what had happened the day before. But of course I wasn't free. Jessica and Lauren just about surrounded me when I reached the cafeteria.

However I was saved...again. What's with these people and the saving?

"Bella? I wanted to know if you would like to sit with us today for lunch?" Alice Cullen asked.

"Me? Sit with you guys?" I asked trying to clarify the impossibility of this situation.

"Yes. Why not? It'll be fun. We could get to know each other, and become best friends and go shopping together and-" She talked so fast I could barely understand her, but the shopping part DID NOT get passed me. Ew.

"Alice, you're scaring her. Sorry about my sister, but we would enjoy you're company at our table." Edward said interrupting her rant. He's GOT to be kidding me.

"You're kidding right? Don't you hate me?"

"Who said I hated you?" I didn't answer. He never actually said he hated me but he definitley shows it. Saying the simple "you did" would be childish and a total lie. Then again I'm obviously a good liar. I'm not in prison right now, even though I should be. "Please? We would love to have a chance to get to know you." I really could turn the offer down at this point. All I want is to find out what they are, so I guess getting close to them is the only way.

"Fine."

**Sorry it's so short and I know it's a horrible way to end the chapter but I really wanted to get this up tonight and had no time to extend it. Sorry! But if you review I might be able to put another chapter up tomorrow! So REVVVVIIIEEEWWW!**


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